Underground Wellness

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

With Fear and Excitement

This picture was taken 3 years ago in October of 2009. It is a picture that stays with me always in the back of my mind. My 15th wedding anniversary. He took me back to the place of our honeymoon. It was a best of times, worst of times moment. You see my husband and I had spent the past two years recovering from the 13 year itch and we were at the peak of our marriage, life could not have been sweeter. Yet this trip also signified the moment my life would forever be changed. On this trip I would realize that something was not quiet right. I could not put my finger on it, but I remember specifically knowing that something was off on this trip. Two weeks later I would come down with a migraine that would last a year and a half  with out a break, and that was just the beginning of a long line of  problems, before I was able to reach the turning point. I some days wonder how I ever survived it all. An additional year and a half have passed. The healing journey has been just as difficult and the marriage was unable to survive it all. Then last week the phone call came. The one I've been expecting and dreading since the healing began. After three years of hard work, my hormone levels are finally coming down. My meds are being adjusted and we go back into more frequent doctor visits for monitoring. It's what I've been working on all this time. Yet, if I have to be honest, I go into this with fear. Life with Hashimoto's is never easy, even on the good days. Just when I think things are going well, I get reminded that I have the disease. It's not a day by day prospect, it's hour by hour, and just as I'm getting used to the rhythm it's time to ride the roller coaster again. I'm excited to have reached the point where putting this disease into remission becomes a real possibility, and yet I sit at the top of the hill with my heart doing flip-flops as this coaster gets ready to make that first dive. I've decided to meet fear head on this time and I'm looking forward to the journey. Sometimes you just have to jump out of your routine and see what the unknown has to offer. Wish me luck!

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